Kayden: The Past Read online

  “Thank you, baby,” she said.

  I held up my hand, “Lisa, I’m not your baby. We’re through in that way, forever.”

  “Don’t you feel what we have? Being with you reminded me how much I love you. How much I need you in my life.”

  “I know what we had. There’s too much damage,” I said.

  She pouted in her chair, and I watched her as she flipped her phone over as if checking for something. Her phone hadn’t beeped all day. Lisa always had text messages, and her phone was more like a musical instrument with all of the alerts, but since she’d arrived, it hadn’t made a sound. “Expecting a call?” I asked as I watched her place it face down on the table.

  “No, just wanted to make sure I hadn’t missed one. So this is it? Once I leave… We’re officially over?”

  “Yes.” I didn’t have more to say to her. I never asked her here on the guise that we’d get back together and have our happily ever after.

  “Okay, I’ll wait for you. Maybe you’ll change your mind once reality sets in.”

  Thankfully, our meal arrived. We could eat in silence, and I didn’t feel the need to continue the conversation. She could wait for an eternity, but I wouldn’t return to her. Reality? It had set in. I had no one in this world to depend on except me. Women freely offered themselves and asked for nothing in return. No funds exchanged hands. No expectations or rules to contend with – reality had been pretty fucking great since coming to New Orleans.

  We joined the crowd on Decatur around eleven to enjoy the music and start the countdown. Lisa disappeared for a few minutes to use the ladies room, and I was thankful for the break. I saw an ATM nearby and grabbed her money that I’d promised her. I thought of it as a going away present. I couldn’t wait for her to go home tomorrow. I should’ve told her no when she asked to come and see me. In twelve hours, I’d put her ass on a plane and fly her out of my life.

  Arms wrapped around my body as I stared at the Fleur de Lis and thought about all of the possibilities that lay ahead of me. I pulled her fingers apart and turned to face her, “Don’t.”

  “God, you’re such a kill joy at times,” she said with her mouth in a hard line.

  “Here’s your cash you asked for,” I handed her the money and watched her count it. Such an odd reaction, like I’d short her. “I’m going to grab a beer, want one?”

  “You need a drink?”

  Ah, there she is – the one who questions all my actions. “I want one. There’s a difference.” Carts were set up along the square, and I needed something besides her body to keep me warm.

  “Still a drunk, I see.”

  She had her money and her attitude shifted suddenly. “Have I been drunk in the last twenty four hours? I’ve had one fucking drink.”

  “One turns into five, always does.” Her arms were folded in front of her, and she looked like she was ready for a fight… One that I didn’t feel like having.

  “I wondered when the real you would show up.”

  ”What the fuck does that mean?” She glared at me.

  I shook my head, “I’m cold as fuck out here. It’s New Year’s Eve, and I want a drink. Immediately, you jump to the conclusion that I’m going to get shitfaced, Lisa. I hand you some money, and instantly, the claws come out.”

  “Okay, let’s not fight. I want to enjoy my last couple hours here in New Orleans.” She wrapped her scarf around her neck and rubbed her mittens together.

  “Fine, I’m still getting my beer. Would you like one, yes or no?” I stood there waiting for her answer.

  “I need something stronger.”

  “Stay here. I’ll be right back.” I walked away from her thankful for the freedom. She had always been so judgmental about my drinking, and it drove me further into the bottle. I watched her as I waited in line at a cart selling mixed drinks and beer. She typed on her phone and looked around unable to see me in the crowd. She looked nervous as I watched her eyes move and scan the crowd.

  “What would you like, sugar?” a voice asked and pulled my attention away from her.

  “I’ll take a large beer and hmmm, a hand grenade, please.” Lisa wasn’t much of a drinker. A Hand Grenade would have her head spinning; I’d possibly fuck the shit out of her one more time before I sent her shitty ass on her way.

  “Fifteen dollars, handsome.” I handed the woman the cash with a nice holiday tip included and stood there watching Lisa for a minute. She feverishly typed something still looking around like a kid doing something quickly before possibly being caught by a parent.

  I walked toward her with the drinks and watched her demeanor change as I approached. She placed her phone in her pocket and smiled at me. “What is this?” she asked as she grabbed the bright green plastic container from my hand.

  “Hand grenade – don’t worry it’s not strong. Mostly fruit juices, you’ll like it.” I knew it would knock her on her ass. I lied to her and didn’t feel bad about it at all.

  She sipped the liquid through the straw and smiled, “This is great, thanks.”

  “Did I interrupt you?”

  “Huh?” she had a look of surprise on her face.

  “Your phone.”

  “Oh, no. I was just checking to see if I had any messages.” She sipped again and fidgeted a little. I knew bullshit when I saw it.

  “Looked like more than that.” I eyed her, watching her reaction carefully.

  “Nope,” she turned around, so I couldn’t read her face.

  I wouldn’t press her any further; I’d wait for the drink to work its magic. I checked my watch and thanked the Gods when I realized midnight was only ten minutes away. I felt like I was counting down the minutes until my release from prison. In a way, I was; Lisa’s presence started to feel like a stint in solitary confinement.

  Lisa finished her drink right before midnight. Her body swayed as she shouted out the last couple of seconds in the countdown, following the lead of the crowd. I stood there silently and watched the world celebrate the coming New Year.

  “Happy New Year’s, Kayden.” She said as she hiccupped.

  “You too, Lisa.” I smiled at her. I had plans for this year, and they didn’t include her. My year began with saying goodbye to my past and wiping the slate clean.

  She leaned forward on her tippy toes to kiss me, but I turned my face and gave her my cheek. “Can I kiss your lips?” she asked in my ear.

  “No, not tonight,” I said. Lisa’s eyes were dilated, and the look on her face told me that the alcohol had done the trick.

  We stayed in the square for another hour and celebrated with the crowd. A band played, and people began to leave the square and filter into the French Quarter. I wanted to go home and crawl in bed. Sleep would help the hours pass quicker.

  I knew by her actions that there was someone else in her life that evening. I knew I was being played and that she only wanted money. She enjoyed a free trip to New Orleans and left with a pocketful of cash. You don’t go through two relationships ending in infidelity and not know the signs. She may have been honest when she said she wanted to get back together, but her devious actions and hiding her phone told me she had an ulterior motive. Lisa was a user and always would be. I may have been a drunk, but I never used her for anything, ever.

  That night she passed out as soon as her head hit the pillow. I pushed her to the edge of the bed as far away from me as possible. I didn’t want her sleeping against me. I set my phone alarm for eight o’clock since her flight would take off around eleven. That left only three hours for her to get ready and make it to the airport. No time for sex, fighting or anything. I just wanted to say goodbye.

  I drove her to the airport and stopped the truck outside departures. “Aren’t you going to walk me in?” she asked.

  “Why would I?” I leaned against the driver’s door with my hand on the steering wheel and stared at her.

  “Cause you’re supposed to. How can we say goodbye in your beat up truck?”

  “It’s easy�
� Bye,” I said curtly.

  She rolled her eyes. “That’s it, huh? No hug, kiss or I love you?”

  “No, Lisa. I told you we weren’t getting back together. We’re over, and it’s time for you to go before you miss your flight.” I pushed the car lock button to make sure she could open her door without a problem and maybe to give her a hint that it was time to hit the road.

  “I see you’re still an asshole, Kayden.”

  “Goodbye, Lisa. I’ll send the payments to the probation department each month but nothing extra. Don’t call me again for money.”

  “I didn’t call you for money. I wanted to see you. I wanted to try us again.”

  “There is no us, babe. You got what you came for and maybe something extra. Go back to your boyfriend.”

  She squinted at me, her eyes throwing daggers in my direction. “Just make sure that check is there on time. I’d hate for you to violate your probation and be arrested again.”

  “It’ll be there; you can bet your ass I’m not spending another night in jail because of you. You’re going to miss your flight.” I looked at my watch not wanting to spend another minute trapped in a small space with her.

  She opened the door, crawled out, and slammed it behind her. I pulled away and didn’t look back. She was out of my life. I wouldn’t be free of her until my debt was paid in full, but I’d take my sweet ass time doing it.

  Lisa never shipped a thing to me as she’d promised. I knew her offer was too good to be true. She dangled a prize in front of my eyes, and like a fool, I reached for it and gave her the cash she asked for. I could’ve easily filled my closet with five hundred dollars in clothing, but I wanted my things - lesson learned - I always seemed to learn the hard way. Lisa was out of my life, and I could move on. The ladies of New Orleans needed me, wanted me, and I was in the mood to share.

  Parade of Pussy ~ Carrie, April, and who’s that brunette?

  I partied my ass off feeling more alive than I had in years. I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders when Lisa left my life and boarded the plane that day. Life returned to my new normal. Carrie and I met only once a month after the holidays. She needed to study and make sure she graduated on time. She kept her promise and never fell in love with me or became clingy. She was a lady of her word, and for that, I respected her.

  Women moved in and out of my life at a fast pace. With Carrie busy and my cock as hard as ever, I added to my list of conquests. I met April at a bar around the corner from my apartment. She was a regular, and we’d strike up a conversation when I ran into her. We flirted and ended up at her apartment one night. I put April on the sex rotation with Carrie, they both hand standing appointments, to help relieve the ache I felt.

  I had two lovely and willing ladies to fill my evenings, filled my room with new furniture that was mine and not borrowed from the company, and bought myself a new flat-screen television and blu-ray player. I upgraded my tablet, getting rid of the out dated ultra-slow model I’d purchased from the company when I arrived.

  I wanted to see my family and go back to Ohio for a visit. I hadn’t had a day off since Lisa walked out of my life. Summer was fast approaching, and Ohio was beautiful in the spring. I made plans to meet up with some friends from high school on my way home. I had a convenient overnight layover on the east coast to catch up with an old friend before finally arriving in Cleveland.

  I ended up fucking a friend of my friend during that ‘lay’ over. I can’t remember her name, but I remember the look on her face when I didn’t want her number. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, and we wouldn’t be a ‘thing’ after the one night of alcohol infused passion; I made that perfectly clear. I always did, but I guess sometimes women thought that after a taste of their magical pussy, I’d change my mind. It didn’t happen. Pussy was plentiful, and I wouldn’t settle for anything but freedom and options.

  I happily departed the Carolinas and boarded the plane headed to my hometown. I had a grandmother and aunts and uncles to visit during the day and friends to fill the nights during my short trip. I sat at my Aunt Sarah’s kitchen table, sipping some coffee and scrolled through my newsfeed.

  Today was Freddie’s birthday. I hadn’t seen him in years; high school friends seemed to drift apart as we scattered across the country. I tapped his name to wish him a happy birthday. His page was like opening a yearbook but with photos of people who had grown older and changed through the years. Time’s a motherfucker on the body.

  A photo of a beautiful brunette caught my attention. She stood near the ocean with her hair blowing in the wind and her eyes covered with sunglasses. She made my cock twitch in my pants, who was she? The last name was familiar, the same last name as Kyle. I hadn’t seen him since that night at the bar long ago when he gave us coke to party the night away. I wondered if they were related; they had to be. I wanted to know how he knew her, but I didn’t. I pushed the add friend button and thought I’d talk to her someday to find out how I’d never met her before.

  I posted my wishes to Freddie and shut down my tablet for the day. I had a busy schedule, and my aunt was dying to show me the Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame. I hadn’t visited there when I lived in Cleveland, and my aunt felt the need to be a tour guide. Sometimes family members forget you lived there and knew the city; she wanted to show me how the city had changed and evolved while I continued my life elsewhere. I had an evening flight to catch and thought it was a great way to end my trip.

  Cleveland was barren compared to New Orleans. Traffic didn’t fill the streets. No one sat at the café tables outside the restaurants, and the Hall of Fame had only a trickle of people moving throughout the space. The city I’d once loved was now a shell of its former self and not the home I once loved.

  I sat at the airport thankful to be heading back to a city as alive as New Orleans. I’d fallen in love with her in the last eight months. A love that didn’t make me miserable or cause me stress, but one that embraced me with open arms and a good time. I said goodbye to Cleveland as I stepped into the tiny metal tube that would carry me back home to NOLA.

  The flight was bumpy and uncomfortable. I hate flying and always have. There’s nothing pleasurable about it, but it was a necessity that’s unavoidable in life. I crawled in bed and stretched out, flipped on my television and turned on my tablet. Sophia DeLuca had accepted my friend request, and I had a message waiting. I clicked the messages, and Sophia’s face filled my screen and a smile danced across my lips.

  Sophia: Do I know you?

  The statement was simple. Maybe she was a careful girl. I could be vague in my answer, maybe flirt a little.

  Me: Not yet.

  My statement could’ve scared her off, but it was too tempting not to type it in the little box. I quickly messaged her to let her know how I found her, not wanting to risk being blocked. She didn’t block me, but it took her a minute to respond. Maybe she was thinking about blocking me, but I knew once she started talking about Freddie and the people we had in common, I had her.

  We chatted online for hours, the conversation easy with her. She seemed like a genuine person and made it very clear that she didn’t walk the same path as her brother, Kyle. She went to school and became educated unlike me or her brother.

  She told me her life had been navy blue. The statement confused the fuck out of me. What the fuck did a color have to do with her life? I thought about the statement, and if I had to choose a color to describe my life, I couldn’t pick just one. My life resembled a tie dyed shirt with various colors and shades mingled together in a massive heap twisted together.

  Sophia intrigued me, drew me in with her words, and I looked forward to talking with her. Did I want to fuck her? More than anything in the world. As the days and weeks flew by, I wanted her more and more. She was a good girl, but I knew if I peeled back the layers, there was a girl dying for some fun underneath. She needed color in her life, and I could give that to her.

  I stopped seeing Carrie and April, not wanting to mi
ss a night talking to Sophia. She made me laugh every day. She found a way of putting everything in perspective and found a way to make me laugh when I became the most frustrated. I shared everything with her during the day; I sent her photos of the places I traveled to, told her about the people I met, and wanted to know everything she did in her day. I became obsessed and transfixed with her.

  I had feelings for her, and I’d never even touched her. I didn’t understand how that was even possible, but it happened. I felt connected with her. The idea of being with an independent woman who had an education was beyond sexy. I pictured her in her librarian work clothes, hair tied up, and glasses. I wanted her to be my naughty librarian.

  I spent more weeks trying to get her to New Orleans than I had ever spent on any woman in my life. Women had always been easy for me to lure to my bed, but Sophia fought hard to resist me. I eventually wore her down; her need for fun and excitement outweighed her cautiousness.

  “I told my brother that I’m coming to see you,” she said.

  “What did he say?”

  “He said he had a call to make and immediately hung up on me.” My heart stopped. Kyle must not remember me or maybe he wanted to see where life had taken me after all these years.

  “Think he’s calling some of my friends?” I closed my eyes and started silently praying that nothing would turn up; I wanted the approval.

  “No doubt—knowing my brother, he’s looking for any red flags.”

  Thankfully, he found nothing, or my friends didn’t feel the need to share my past. Sophia had told me that Kyle was super protective of her, but I wasn’t looking to use or hurt her. I wanted to spend time with her and see if the connection I felt with her on the phone and online were real.

  Sophia is everything she portrayed herself to be. She’s a genuinely nice person who is beautiful and quirky. I can’t describe every way she’s different than any woman I’ve come in to contact with, but she is. She’s my soul mate who I had to walk through hell to find. Sophia’s my kismet, the one worth everything I went through to be with in the end.